Fiction, Writing

Louise vs Kate

This is another little one from the writing class. It’s a continuation of sorts from Kate vs Louise. (You can read that here if you want but you don’t need to though). I switched from the third person to the first person. It’s a little more abstract too! Any feedback welcome. Thanks!

A seagull circled over our heads a number of times before descending and landing next to us.

“Get away from my fish” he squawked at us. We looked at each other.

“Go on… Shoo!” he cawed.

‘Is that a talking seagull?’ Louise asked, disbelief in her tone.

‘Go on! Get out of here you dirty rotten humans. Caw Caw!’ he continued, getting more agitated in his gait.

“It’s an extremely rude talking seagull too…” I replied.

A fish peeped its head out of the water.

“Hey!!… Smelly-ass” he shouted.

The seagull’s attention was drawn away from us, cocking his head towards the fish.

“Ha ha! You looked. How did you know I was calling you? You must have a smelly-poopy-bum!”

The bird shuffled awkwardly into flight, fumbling over himself in his rage. The fish turned and swam with the seagull hot on his heels… (or gills… or fins… or the underwater equivalent to heels…. Tail!… That’s it).

“Squawk, squawk, squawk…. you little fish sh*t…. When I catch you I’m going to gut you like a…”

The fish piddled and paddled and dipped and dived out of the birds reach whilst laughing his little fish ass off.

That excitement faded into the distance and then it was just the two of us on an empty beach.

The beach is the same. It’s the same as any other beach. It’s where the water meets the land. Sometimes they come together and gently caress and kiss and touch and rub each other. But sometimes the water beats the land, engulfs it and engorges it. The seasons change as swiftly and easily as our own human nature. From calm to rage, rage to turmoil, turmoil to mourning, mourning to peace and back again to calm… And now I am rambling.

If Louise could hear me I’m sure she would say something to bring me back to reality. Something like “Will you shut the f*ck up!” or “Stop making mountains out of piles of dog poo! The sea is the sea and the beach is the beach.” Then we would laugh and go and get ice cream.

But there’s nowhere to get ice cream around here. It’s too cold for ice cream anyway. Even if I could get ice cream, I’d have no-one to share it with. I imagined Louise. She doesn’t exist. I imagined the fish. The seagull was real but he doesn’t talk. He’s beside me pulling out of a banana skin. Is the banana skin real? Louise will know. Where did she go?

I look around for Louise and see the fish peeping out of the water again. “You are so crazy…” he says as he splashes at me.

“You’re so crazy that you have to talk to a fish to help you decipher what is real and what is not…. Do you know how crazy that is?”

“But the seagull was busy eating the banana skin.” I replied.

“Kate… Kate… Katie?… Kathleen??? Hello?”

Louise’s urgings signaled my time to return to the real world.

We were on the beach. “What kind of ice cream are you getting?”

Fiction, Humour, Writing

Kate vs Louise

Kate Vs Louise Image

This is another piece from the writing class I did. For this one we were asked to set it on a beach, use plenty of dialogue and write it in the third person. Please feel free to offer feedback.

Also… beware of the strong language.

Kate vs Louise


Louise was speaking but Kate couldn’t hear her.

A white noise washed over her. She gazed… She gazed so far she left her eyes and wandered into her mind and into another world. Here she was safe and content. Every sensation she ever felt before was here.

She remembered the feeling she used to get when she was just a girl. The flutter in her core caused by thinking about a boy. What she could only describe back then as an explosion of love. Her first euphoric feeling. Time robbed her of that feeling though. Now she merely basked in its shadow, gazing up at the immensity of what it once was.

“Kate… Kate… Katie?… Kathleen??? Hello?”

Louise’s urgings signalled her time to return to the real world. They were on the beach.

Kate had always found that going to the beach was a very practical solution to a weekend. It was a nice balance between doing something to pass the time, whilst at the same time, doing absolutely nothing. It fills a void in time and fills the void in her head and she had a huge void in her head today. The last she remembered of the night before was the drugs. Euphoria, minced with amnesia, minced with regret. She was glad to be here now.

“Sorry, my mind was wandering… say that again?”

“Are you going to meet up with him again? That guy you were with… He seemed nice.”

Kate took a moment to recollect but failed to do so.

“I don’t think so.” she replied, strategically covering up her memory lapse.

That’s where Louise interjected.

“This story is boring…. There’s too much feeling in it and hardly any action, humour or suspense. Kate thinks this… Kate feels that… Meh meh meh”

“Oh I’m sorry… I’m sorry my writing doesn’t live up to your incredible standards.” Kate retorted.

“The girl who used to throw dog poo at me is now critiquing my work. Please, tell me how you would write it so.”

“Fine… I will!”

Kate was dying!…

She was out three nights in a row now and simply looking at the sea was making her seasick. Louise had been out with her each of those nights but she was still fresh enough and ready to do it all again. ‘Stay in the game as long as you can…’ that was their motto and while they still had money they would do just that.

So, there they were, standing on the beach, nursing hangovers, when a zombie rose out of the sea and limped towards them.

“A zombie… Really? A zombie?” Kate interrupted.

“Yeah…! A zombie…”

“That’s fucking stupid!”

“No its not… You’re fucking stupid with your stupid fancy emotional shit!… Ooooh, my heart broke in two and the dog ate one half and the cat the other as a symbol of the unfixable heart that I once had when I was dreaming one night in my dreams…”

“Will we go get ice cream?”

“Yeah, go on…!”