Fiction, Humour, Writing

Kate vs Louise

Kate Vs Louise Image

This is another piece from the writing class I did. For this one we were asked to set it on a beach, use plenty of dialogue and write it in the third person. Please feel free to offer feedback.

Also… beware of the strong language.


Kate vs Louise

 

Louise was speaking but Kate couldn’t hear her.

A white noise washed over her. She gazed… She gazed so far she left her eyes and wandered into her mind and into another world. Here she was safe and content. Every sensation she ever felt before was here.

She remembered the feeling she used to get when she was just a girl. The flutter in her core caused by thinking about a boy. What she could only describe back then as an explosion of love. Her first euphoric feeling. Time robbed her of that feeling though. Now she merely basked in its shadow, gazing up at the immensity of what it once was.

“Kate… Kate… Katie?… Kathleen??? Hello?”

Louise’s urgings signalled her time to return to the real world. They were on the beach.

Kate had always found that going to the beach was a very practical solution to a weekend. It was a nice balance between doing something to pass the time, whilst at the same time, doing absolutely nothing. It fills a void in time and fills the void in her head and she had a huge void in her head today. The last she remembered of the night before was the drugs. Euphoria, minced with amnesia, minced with regret. She was glad to be here now.

“Sorry, my mind was wandering… say that again?”

“Are you going to meet up with him again? That guy you were with… He seemed nice.”

Kate took a moment to recollect but failed to do so.

“I don’t think so.” she replied, strategically covering up her memory lapse.


That’s where Louise interjected.

“This story is boring…. There’s too much feeling in it and hardly any action, humour or suspense. Kate thinks this… Kate feels that… Meh meh meh”

“Oh I’m sorry… I’m sorry my writing doesn’t live up to your incredible standards.” Kate retorted.

“The girl who used to throw dog poo at me is now critiquing my work. Please, tell me how you would write it so.”

“Fine… I will!”


Kate was dying!…

She was out three nights in a row now and simply looking at the sea was making her seasick. Louise had been out with her each of those nights but she was still fresh enough and ready to do it all again. ‘Stay in the game as long as you can…’ that was their motto and while they still had money they would do just that.

So, there they were, standing on the beach, nursing hangovers, when a zombie rose out of the sea and limped towards them.


“A zombie… Really? A zombie?” Kate interrupted.

“Yeah…! A zombie…”

“That’s fucking stupid!”

“No its not… You’re fucking stupid with your stupid fancy emotional shit!… Ooooh, my heart broke in two and the dog ate one half and the cat the other as a symbol of the unfixable heart that I once had when I was dreaming one night in my dreams…”

“Will we go get ice cream?”

“Yeah, go on…!”

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46 thoughts on “Kate vs Louise

  1. I like this one a lot 🙂
    I think I have have had arguments like this with another part of my personality over my own writing from time to time. I am sure that we all have.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This made me feel at home. Reminded me of times spent with my best friend and the bittersweet nature of the honesty we shared. Every now and again I email pieces of writing to my friend, but only when I’m confident enough to handle the criticism. Anyway, this cracked me up and I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Liked the touch where the animals were eating your broken heart! Would have never thought of such a graphic mental picture.
    Keep writing the great stories, maybe go with the zombies theme see if it pans out!
    Jeanette Hall

    Like

  4. I like their back and forth. Although I’m the writer of the family, making me Kate, I have to say I like Louise better. Dump the heartbreak of middle school and throw in a zombie, yeah!

    Like

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